Doctors Don’t Need Guns To Kill

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.

Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
(Yes, that’s 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups,
is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is
.000188.
Statistics courtesy of FBI

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, “Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.”

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
Out of concern for the public at large, I withheld the statistics on
lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention!

Recall Notice

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall
action will need to be scrapped in the furnace.

RECALL NOTICE

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units
manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious
defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units
code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the
same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been
technically termed “Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality,” or
more commonly known as SIN, as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this
defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service
free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair
Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the
entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There
is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is P-R-A-Y-E- R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the
REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the
Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter
how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it
with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic
Instructions Before Leaving Earth),
for further details on
the use of these fixes. WARNING: Continuing to operate the
human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer
warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too
numerous to list and will result in the human unit being
permanently impounded.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall
action will need to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN
defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent
contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!

Are You Missing Miracles?

What I’m trying to say is this; God orders the steps of a thankful man. God has already taken care of things.

We walk so often every day close to miracles and we walk on by and we miss them.

Merlin Caruthers tells the story when he was a chaplain in the army. A young man came to him, a young private, one day and he said, ” My wife is going to commit suicide, I have a problem. What do I do? She said if I go to Vietnam she would take her life. She already attempted suicide once when I was drafted and I’m sure that she will accomplish it now because she almost succeeded then.”

And Merlin Caruthers said, “Send your wife in and let me talk to her. So he did. Now God had been dealing with Merlin and teaching him how to praise and not grumble and complain all the time. Most of us grumble and complain but if we begin to, as I Thessalonians 5:18 says, “In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ concerning you.”

In everything! And so Merlin asked God, “What am I going to tell this lady when she comes?” and God said, “Tell her what I’ve taught you.” She came in, sat down, and began to tell a sad story. She had been adopted as a young girl before she was born. She had been separated from her adopted parents and had no family. And when she married Ray he was all she had. She said, “If he goes to Vietnam I’ll kill myself. ”

And Merlin asked the Lord, “What will I tell this woman?” And the Lord said, “Sit back, fold your hands, open your mouth and I’ll tell her.” He sat down, folded his hands, opened his mouth, and the Lord said, “Sue, there is just one thing I want to ask you to do, kneel down and lets thank God that Ray is going to Vietnam. ”

She was angry and it is natural that would seem to be the only reaction. That was a stupid thing to say. And he could tell that she wasn’t about to do that, he said well lets pray anyway. So they prayed and he said his prayer went absolutely no place.

He got through with that and she said, “Chaplain, I don’t understand a thing you’re talking about,” and out she went. He got a phone call from her husband a little bit later and he said, “Chaplain, what did you tell my wife?”

He said, “Well I told her that everything works together for good to those who love the Lord, and so on.”

He replied, ” Well what ever you told her she’s twice as mad as she was when she came in.” And so he said, “why don’t you just come back and let me just talk to you.”

So later, Ray came back to the office, but meanwhile Merlin was praying, “Lord, what am I going to tell this man? I’ve got to tell him something. What will I tell him? He needs an answer.” The Lord said, “Sit back, and fold your hands, I’ll tell him.”

He sat back, folded his hands, and spoke the young private across from him and he said, “Ray, there’s just one thing I want to ask you to do. Let’s kneel down and pray and thank God that Sue is exactly like she is.” Well, he looked a little strange but he did pray for him and nothing happened. I mean he said, “This is terrible.”

The young man said, “Now chaplain, I don’t want to be disrespectful but now I understand why Sue doesn’t understand a word your talking about. I don’t understand either.” And so, he went out.

As the young man went out Caruthers said,” Ray, why don’t you come back with Sue, let me talk to the two of you.” He said, ‘All right, we’ll do that but we have to have an answer, Chaplain. We’ve got to stop fooling around, we’ve got to have an answer.”

The chaplain got down and he said, Now Lord, we’ve got to stop fooling around. I mean we’ve got to tell this man something. He’s got to know something. ” And then he said, “But anyway, thank you for them just exactly as they are. ”

The Lord said, “Finally! Finally, Merlin, that’s what I’ve been trying to get across to you all along. You can’t help them.” That’s right Lord I can’t help them. But the Lord said, ” I can. Now when they come in this time, sit down, fold your hands, open your mouth, and I’ll tell them.” And Merlin said, “Oh praise the Lord, that’s what I wanted Lord.”

They came in and sat down across from him and he said, “Now Ray and Sue, there is just one thing that I ask you to do. Kneel down with me and let’s thank God for things exactly the way they are.”

Well, Ray looked at Sue and he said “Sue I don’t understand what the chaplain is talking about, and I know you don’t understand what the chaplain is talking about but he seems to think that he knows what he’s talking about. So let’s just kneel down and thank God for this.” And so they knelt down and prayed. “Thank you Father, thank you Father,” said Ray,” that I’m going to Viet Nam.” Sue prayed, “Thank you Lord, that Ray is going to Vietnam and I might try to kill myself.”

Then they got up and they walked out. They walked out into the little chapel outside the office door and Merlin knelt down to pray, to thank the Lord at that point. But when they got outside the door, Ray turned to Sue and he said, “Sue, did we really do that? ”

“Well, yes, I guess we did.”

“Did we mean it?”

” Well I guess we did.”

He said, “Well let’s just give it another try,” and they went over and knelt down at the altar and they prayed again.

And this time he said, “Father I thank you that I’m going to Vietnam.”

She said, “Father I thank you that Ray is going to Vietnam and things are just the way they are.”

Well, Ray had to go back to his company so he left. Sue sat down and very shortly the door burst open and another private, another young man, came in that door. He said, “I got to talk to the chaplain.”

She said, “Well, he’s inside his office and the door is closed. But he’ll probably be out in just a little bit.”

And he said, “You don’t understand, I’ve got a problem, I’ve got to talk to the chaplain.”

And so he came over and he began to explain to her, he took about ten or fifteen minutes telling his problem. She said, “Well, there is one thing I can tell you. If you go in there to talk to that man he isn’t going to help you one bit.”

But, he said, “You don’t understand this, and he pulled out his billfold, and said look this is a picture of my wife, and this is a picture of my children”, and then he turned over the next picture and Sue said, “Oh my God, who is that woman?”

“That’s my mother. Why?”

She said, “That’s my mother!”

“It can’t be! ”

She said, “Yes it is! That’s my mother. When I was a girl I was adopted and they didn’t tell me. But one day I was going through a drawer and I found the adoption papers and there stapled to the corner was that same picture. I know that picture, that’s my mother.”

He answered, “I can’t believe this is so, but let’s go make a phone call.” They went and made the phone call and she came in and knocked on Merlin Caruther’s door a few minutes later. She had her arm around another private.

She said, “Chaplain, you are not going to believe this, I found my brother! And I know who my mother is!”

And Merlin said, “Praise the Lord!”

Sue stated; “Do you think its because I said thank you, Lord?”

He smiled at her. “I don’t know what you think but I sure know what I think.” And then she left with her brother.

Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door and it was Ray and he said, “Chaplain, you’re not going to believe this. He said, I hadn’t gone but 700 yards, heading back to my company, and I ran into a friend with whom I graduated from law school and he said, he was a second lieutenant. He said, ” Ray, how are you doing? What are you going to be doing? I answered, “Praise the Lord, I’m going to Vietnam. And the man said, well, Ray, you’re a good attorney, why aren’t you working in the law office here with me?”

They went in his office and five minutes later his orders were changed and he wasn’t going to Vietnam. And he said, “Chaplain, do you think its because I said, thank you Lord? ”

Merlin replied, ” I don’t know what you think, Ray, but I sure know what I think. ”

I want to say this; you can say that was all coincidence. Here is a young private who passed twenty chapels to come to this one chapel, to a chaplain he didn’t know and didn’t even get to talk to. His sister happened to be sitting there, whom he had never seen. Ray talked to a man that he had not seen since he graduated from law school and in the process did not have to go to Vietnam. Chaplain Caruthers had his problem taken care of, too. He was sweating it and God took care of it for him.

What I’m trying to say is this; God orders the steps of a thankful man. God has already taken care of things. Everything was there, he didn’t just instantly perform a miracle, he didn’t just instantly put her brother in that camp, he just didn’t instantly put that other man in the camp, they were all there and the miracle was already set up. All they had to do was trust God and thank God and praise Him and it happened.

Thanks to Beth for sharing this story. Don’t miss the opportunities that are all around you.

gphowe

The Philosophy Of Ambiguity

18. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY

1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila . . . ? Floor?
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “ass-teroids”?
5. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
6. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
7. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
8. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it
considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
14. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
15. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
16. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
17. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
18. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
19. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
20. How is it possible to have a “civil war”?
21. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
22. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
23. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have “s” in it?
24. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
25. Can an atheist get insurance that covers “Acts of God”?

Count Your Many Blessings™

I don’t know how it works, but to ‘count your many blessings’ and ‘name them one by one’ not only promotes a spirit of gratitude, but it also fosters a spirit of humility.

Or The Ten Lepers

 

I don’t know how it works, but to ‘count your many blessings’ and ‘name them one by one’ not only promotes a spirit of gratitude, but it also fosters a spirit of humility. Fortunately, we have at least one season of the year where we tend to emphasize ‘thank you’ more than ‘gimme gimme,’ Thanksgiving. So in the spirit of this season, Thanksgiving, may I share a story with you from the life of the Master?

One day while He was passing through a village, He was met by ten men afflicted by leprosy. From afar off they pleaded for His healing mercy. Interestingly enough, He did not approach them or they Him. He simply said, “Go show yourselves to the priests.”

Now let me mention about leprosy. Leprosy was a dread disease. Is was literally a living death. The afflicted not only rotted and died one painful degree at a time, but the torment was added to by banishment from family, friends, and civilized society. The only companion that a leper could have was other lepers. There could hardly be a more miserable way to live or die.

Well, from the Savior’s command, the ten journeyed towards the priest to be judged. As they went, they were miraculously healed! Now, nine of them, Jews, continued on where Jesus had sent them, but one of them turned around, and ran all the way back to the Savior, and fell on his face before the Lord giving Him much thanks. The man was a Samaritan, not even of Jesus’ race or religion.

Now, in a way, you and I are like those lepers – spiritually. We come into a wicked fallen world and contract spiritual diseases that leave us, if we’re untreated, sick, suffering, lonely, and destined to die. But there is One to whom our pitiful appeals from afar do not go unheeded. Mercifully the Savior speaks, and sends us on our way. And as we journey toward our judgment, we too are healed from a living death. We live again; we are given a new life.

Many of you know exactly of what I speak. You have been healed. And during this week your families were gather around you in love, while the love of God fills your soul. I promise you that your Thanksgiving will be a sweeter holiday if you will, like that Samaritan, take the time to turn back, fall before Him, and with a heart full of thanks remember what this season is for.

Thanks to Glenn Rawson – from his writings in November of 1997.

Two words which will change your life! – Rhonda Byrne

Most people are sporadically grateful, however, to change your life with gratitude, a new way of learning how to be truly grateful is what will bring unlimited happiness into your life.

Two words which will change your life!

There are two words that, when spoken, have the most unfathomable power to completely change your life. Two words which, when they pass your lips, will be the cause of bringing absolute joy and happiness to you. Two words that will create miracles in your life. Two words that will wipe out negativity. Two words that will bring you abundance in all things. Two words which, when uttered and sincerely felt, will summon all the forces and vibrations in the Universe to move all things for you.

The only thing standing between you, happiness, and the life of your dreams, are two words…

THANK YOU

Gratitude is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to transform your life. If you become truly grateful, you will magnetize absolute joy to you everywhere you go, and in everything you do. In fact, without gratitude, nothing can ever change. Your life will change to the degree that you use gratitude and begin to feel grateful. If you are just a little bit grateful, your life will change a little bit. If you are very grateful, your whole life will change. If you live gratitude every single day, you will become one of the greatest human beings on the planet, and the light of your life will uplift our world.

The greatest human beings who have ever lived showed us the way with gratitude, and by their example became shining lights in our history. Einstein said “thank you” hundreds of times every single day! Ancient wisdom dating back thousands of years gave us the truth about gratitude. Every single religion speaks of giving thanks. All the sages and saviors of the world demonstrated the use of gratitude in all their teachings.

Of the thousands of letters we receive from people whose lives have become miracles after experiencing The Secret, every single one of them has made gratitude their way of life. It is impossible to be negative when you are giving thanks. It is impossible to criticize or blame when you are feeling grateful. It is impossible to feel sad when you are in gratitude. Most people are sporadically grateful, however, to change your life with gratitude, a new way of learning how to be truly grateful is what will bring unlimited happiness into your life.

So how do you live in gratitude? Begin your day by feeling grateful. Be grateful for the bed you just slept in, the roof over your head, the carpet or floor under your feet, the running water, the soap, your shower, your toothbrush, your clothes, your shoes, the car that you drive, your job, your friends, your refrigerator that keeps your food cold. Be grateful for the weather, the sun, the sky, the birds, the trees, the grass, the rain, and the flowers. Be grateful for the stores that make it so easy to buy the things you need, the restaurants, the utilities and services and electrical appliances that make your life effortless. Be grateful for magazines and the books that you read. Be grateful for the chair that you sit on, and the pavement that you walk on. Be grateful for your favorite music that sweeps you away, and for movies that make you feel good. Be grateful for your phone that connects you with people, for your computer, for the electricity that lights up your life. Be grateful for air travel that flies you everywhere. Be grateful for the roads and traffic lights that keep the traffic in order. Be grateful to those who built our bridges. Be grateful for your pet, for your child, for your loved ones, for your eyes that enable you to read this. Be grateful for your imagination. Be grateful that you can think! Be grateful that you can speak. Be grateful that you can laugh and smile. Be grateful that you can breathe! Be grateful that you are alive! Be grateful that you are You! Be grateful that there are two words that can change your life!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

The more that you practice gratitude the more deeply you will feel it in your heart, and the depth of the feeling is the key. The more deeply and sincerely you feel it, the more you will bring absolute bliss and happiness on every single subject. Watch what happens in your life when you practice gratitude every single day and in every single moment and in every opportunity that you can. Remember, if you are criticizing, you are not being grateful. If you are blaming, you are not being grateful. If you are complaining, you are not being grateful. If you are feeling tension, you are not being grateful. If you are rushing, you are not being grateful. If you are in a bad mood, you are not being grateful.

To understand the power and the magic of gratitude, you have to experience it for yourself. So why not begin by deciding to find 100 things a day to be grateful for? As you practice gratitude every day, it won’t take long before gratitude is your natural state of being, and when it happens you will have unlocked one of the greatest Secrets to Life.

There is just one other thing that I want you to know about Gratitude…..

When you are giving thanks, you FEEL GOOD!

Rhonda Byrne
The Secret… bringing joy to billions.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving Through Time

Oh to grace, how great a debtor; daily I’m constrained to be. Let thy goodness as a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee; prone to wander Lord I feel it; prone to leave the God I love. Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it; seal it for thy courts above.

Thanksgiving

Centuries ago the nation of Israel turned and watched as Moses stretched forth his hand and the walls of the Red Sea collapsed and returned to their strength. In awe Israel saw the mighty hosts of Pharaoh’s army overthrown in the sea, never again to oppress them. Now, with the subsequent restoration of God’s holy law through Moses, and their miraculous deliverance by Joshua into the Promised Land, Israel was once more a nation of free people, free in body, free in conscience, and free in nationality. Is it any wonder that Israel was so filled with joy and gratitude that they lifted their voices in song, thanking and praising God with all the power of their delivered souls?

Ever after that and for the centuries that followed, feasts and celebrations were established among the Hebrews, times of remembrance where they would be grateful and remember how that by the power of God He had made them a peculiar people and nation.

However, in time Israel did come to forget. Not only did they forget the God who had delivered them, but they forgot and mocked the covenants and responsibilities they had assumed as His chosen people. Eventually they were scattered, destroyed, and oppressed once more.

It has been said that history repeats itself. Our season of feasting and celebration is upon us this week; it’s Thanksgiving. What a blessed people we are! By the power of God we are a prosperous and a free people. Praise be to God for the kindness of His Fatherhood, for the prayers He has answered, and for the privileges He has given us. May we rejoice now in our time. We are the greatest, wealthiest people ever in the history of this earth. Ought we not to thank the God who gave it? Oh, I hope our riches never come to canker our soul.

Further, thank God for the gift of His son; we have a free conscience. Thank God for the miracle of forgiveness and the power of redemption and resurrection. We are free. No tyrant can oppress our soul or destroy our peace unless we let them [him]. Praise be to God for the assurance and presence of a Savior Who is always there, Who will not rest in His atoning endeavors until all of us have become celestial beings.

Thank God for truth, pure unadulterated ‘diamond truth’ that allows us to see and understand, and be anchored in place in a world that has become like a roaring blender of opinions and ideas. We are so blessed!

And thank God for America and her liberty. By the power of God and His guardian angels we are a free nation. There is so much more that is worth rejoicing of in America than is worth complaining of. Look around. I see this world we live in and I wonder: My children have never known starvation, many do; my children have never understood slavery and oppression, it’s [they are] foreign to them. They have never known the fear of tyrants, nor the despair of hopelessness and bondage. And yet there are people all over the earth who suffer so much. Why – why are we such a blessed people when so many suffer so much? I cannot help but think that America has the same responsibility as ancient Israel, to lift up the hands that hang down and strengthen the feeble knees. Oh, Heavenly Father, thank Thee for all of Thy bounty.

Dear friends, this Thanksgiving it is my prayer that our gratitude will overflow unto tears of humility and songs of rejoicing for the goodness of God. Oh to grace, how great a debtor; daily I’m constrained to be. Let thy goodness as a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee; prone to wander Lord I feel it; prone to leave the God I love. Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it; seal it for thy courts above.

Glenn Rawson

The First Thanksgiving

And so filled with the spirit of gratitude, Governor Bradford proclaimed a feast, and then added, “We will extend an invitation to our Indian friends to join us in the feasting.”

The First Thanksgiving

November the 21st, 1621, Plymouth, New England: The pilgrims sat down to feast with 90 of their Indian brethren. Governor William Bradford offered the following prayer:

“Lord God, Thy hand has watchfully brought us to this land and given us friendship with the natives that live herein. We do give solemn thanks and praises to thy name.”

You know, that these stalwart souls were of a mind to offer such thanks is the story I want to tell you this Thanksgiving.

The pilgrims began as separatists from the Church of England. They wanted freedom to worship as they chose. And because of that, they were branded as traitors by the crown and persecuted, sometimes even unto death. And then, moved by the Spirit of God, they set their eyes on the newly discovered land of America. On September 6, 1620 the Mayflower set out with 102 passengers crammed in every inch of space. Consider it: Those pilgrims left all, and they would never return.

Well, the voyage was difficult, fraught with much suffering, sickness, and even death. As the season advanced, the North Atlantic weather grew colder. Food and water became scarce, and it seemed as though that journey would never end. Finally, after 66 days land was sighted at dawn on November the 19th. They dropped to their knees and thanked God.

One of them wrote though, “We now had no friends to welcome us, nor inns to entertain or refresh our weather-beaten bodies – no houses, or much less, towns to seek help.” And then she added, “And it was freezing cold weather.” But they were grateful. Why?

On Christmas day, 1620, they began construction on a common storehouse. But without homes and adequate food, they could never get warm. They weakened and became ill. When they finished the storehouse, it became a hospital.

Disease took its toll on them, and as many as two or three settlers died every day. At one time, there were only 6 healthy people out of more than a hundred who could care for the sick. This was called by them ever after “The Starving Time.” Only 51 pilgrims survived that first winter out of 102. Scarcely a family was not hit. Still, after all that, they gathered every day twice daily and offered prayers of thanks.

And you know, when the Mayflower returned to England in the spring, it is a testimony of the value of freedom to note that not one pilgrim went with her in spite of it all.

And then the Indians – they had feared them. But when the Indians finally came, they came friendly and with a desire to help, which if you consider how the Indians had already been treated by the whites, it was a miracle that they were friendly. The kindness of those early Native Americans saved those pilgrims.
Through the summer the pilgrims worked, and hard with little comfort. And when fall came, their harvest was plentiful; they wanted for nothing.

And so filled with the spirit of gratitude, Governor Bradford proclaimed a feast, and then added, “We will extend an invitation to our Indian friends to join us in the feasting.”

And on the day of the feast, Massasoit arrived with 90 Indians. For three days they prayed, sang, feasted, played, and bonded as brethren in the family of God.

Why was there a feast of Thanksgiving? What did they have to grateful for? Well, they had a greater faith in God, they had freedom, and now they had food, shelter, and friends. And when you think about it, what else matters?

Their gratitude for simple things changed the lives of millions all the way to your table. Happy Thanksgiving.

Glenn Rawson

Figure It Out

People may fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin to blame someone else. – Curtis Howe

Motivational Quotes

If at first you don’t succeed, before you try again, stop to figure out what you did wrong.
– Leo Rosten

People may fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin to blame someone else. – Curtis Howe

Chuckle of the Month

Dedicated to those in Southern California that need a laugh

His request approved, the photographer used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, “Let’s go”.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, “Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m a photographer for Fox Cable News,” he responded. “And I need to get some close up shots.”

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, “So, what you’re telling me, is . You’re NOT my flight instructor!