Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

Forrest responds, “It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.”

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, “Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.”

Forrest responds, “It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.”

St. Peter continued, “Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

How many seconds are there in a year?

What is God’s first name?”

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers”

Forrest replied, “Well, the first one — which two days in the week begins with the letter “T”?

Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.”

The Saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, “Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?” asked St. Peter.

“How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,” replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”

Astounded, St. Peter said, “Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”

Forrest replied, “Shucks, there’s got to be twelve: There’s January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd… ”

“Hold it,” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind….but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name”?

“Sure,” Forrest replied, “it’s Andy.”

“Andy?” exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

“Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?”

“Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learnt it from the song, “ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.”

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: “Run Forrest, run.”

Have a great day!
gil howe

Things Haven’t Changed Much…. Oh How Deep The Cut…

“Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale, and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged.”

“It appears we have appointed our worst generals to command forces, and our most gifted and brilliant to edit newspapers. In fact, I discovered by reading newspapers that these editor/geniuses plainly saw all my strategic defects from the start, yet failed to inform me until it was too late.

Accordingly, I am readily willing to yield my command to these obviously superior intellects, and I will, in turn, do my best for the Cause by writing editorials – after the fact.” – Robert E. Lee, 1863

“Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale, and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged.” ~ President Abraham Lincoln

Reid My Lips – Or Click My Shoes 3 Times

The Bomber And His Shoes.

For back up of this document:

Everyone should hear what the judge had to say;

Ruling by Judge William Young, US District Court.

Prior to sentencing, the Judge asked the defendant, Richard Reid, if he had anything to say. His response: After admitting his guilt to the court for the record, Reid also admitted his “allegiance to Osama bin Laden, to Islam, and to the religion of Allah,” defiantly stating, “I think I will not apologize for my actions,” and told the court “I am at war with your country.”

Judge Young then delivered the statement quoted below:

January 30, 2003, United States vs. Reid.
Judge Young:

“Mr. Richard C. Reid, hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon you.

On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to life in prison in the custody of the United States Attorney General. On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court sentences you to 20 years in prison on each count, the sentence on each count to run consecutively. (That’s 80 years.)

On count 8 the Court sentences you to the mandatory 30 years again, to be served consecutively to the 80 years just imposed. The Court imposes upon you for each of the eight counts a fine of $250,000 that’s an aggregate fine of $2 million. The Court accepts the government’s recommendation with respect to restitution and orders restitution in the amount of $298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to American Airlines.

The Court imposes upon you an $800 special assessment.
The Court imposes upon you five years supervised release simply because the law requires it. But the life sentences are real life sentences so I need go no further.

This is the sentence that is provided for by our statutes. It is a fair and just sentence. It is a righteous sentence.

Now, let me explain this to you. We are not afraid of you or any of your terrorist co-conspirators, Mr. Reid. We are Americans. We have been through the fire before. There is too much war talk here and I say that to everyone with the utmost respect. Here in this court, we deal with individuals as individuals and care for individuals as individuals. As human beings, we reach out for justice.

You are not an enemy combatant. You are a terrorist. You are not a soldier in any war. You are a terrorist. To give you that reference, to c all you a soldier, gives you far too much stature. Whether the officers of government do it or your attorney does it, or if you think you are a soldier. You are not—– you are a terrorist. And we do not negotiate with terrorists. We do not meet with terrorists. We do not sign documents with terrorists. We hunt them down one by one and bring them to justice.

So war talk is way out of line in this court. You are a big fellow. But you are not that big. You’re no warrior. I’ve known warriors. You are a terrorist—a species of criminal that is guilty of multiple attempted murders. In a very real sense, State Trooper Santiago had it right when you first were taken off that plane and into custody and you wondered where the press and the TV crews were, and he said: ‘You’re no big deal.’

You are no big deal.

What your able counsel and what the equally able United States attorneys have grappled with and what I have, as honestly as I know how, tried to grapple with is why you did something so horrific. What was it that led you here to this courtroom today?

I have listened respectfully to what you have to say. And I ask you to search your heart and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate led you to do what you are guilty and admit you are guilty of doing? And, I have an answer for you. It may not satisfy you, but as I search this entire record, it comes as close to understanding as I know.

It seems to me you hate the one thing that to us is most precious. You hate our freedom. Our individual freedom. Our individual freedom to live as we choose, to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe as we individually choose. Here, in this society, the very wind carries freedom. It carries it everywhere from sea to shining sea. It is because we prize individual freedom so much that you are here in this beautiful courtroom. So that everyone can see, truly see, that justice is administered fairly, individually, and discreetly. It is for freedom’s sake that your lawyers are striving so vigorously on your behalf, have filed appeals, will go on in their representation of you before other judges.

We Americans are all about freedom. Because we all know that the way we treat you, Mr. Reid, is the measure of our own liberties. Make no mistake though. It is yet true that we will bear any burden; pay any price, to preserve our freedoms. Look around this courtroom. Mark it well. The world is not going to long remember what you or I say here. The day after tomorrow, it will be forgotten, but this, however, will long endure.

Here in this courtroom and courtrooms all across America , the American people will gather to see that justice, individual justice, justice, not war, individual justice is in fact being done. The very President of the United States through his officers will have to come into courtrooms and lay out evidence on which specific matters can be judged and juries of citizens will gather to sit and judge that evidence democratically, to mold and shape and refine our sense of justice.

See that flag, Mr. Reid? That’s the flag of the United States of America . That flag will fly there long after this is all forgotten. That flag stands for freedom. And it always will.

Mr. Custody Officer. Stand him down.”

So, how much of this Judge’s comments did we hear on our TV sets? We need more judges like Judge Young, but that’s another subject. Everyone needs to hear what this fine judge had to say. Powerful words that strike home.

God bless America

I wish you a great week and remember you can make a difference.


UpLIfts For Life – Thoughts On Life

The darkest day in life is the one in which we expect something for nothing. — Allen Shawn

Men can alter their lives. By altering their attitudes. — William James

Today’s Trivia: (scroll down for answer)
What was Hoss’s mother’s country of origin in Bonanza?
How old was Michael Landon when Bonanza began?

A New Word:
querulous \KWAIR-yuh-luss\ adjective 1 : habitually complaining *2 : fretful, whiningExample sentence:”Sally, I’m tired of waiting,” complained Grandfather in a querulous voice, his peevish expression revealing unmistakable irritation at the girl’s dawdling.

“It is by giving our whole hearts to the Master and keeping His commandments that we come to know Him. In time, through the power of the Atonement, our hearts are changed, and we can become like Him.” — Henry B. Eyring,

Simple Thoughts:
“God loves us. He is watching us. He wants us to succeed. We will know some day that He has not left one thing undone for the eternal welfare of each of us. If we only knew it, heavenly hosts are pulling for us–friends in heaven we cannot now remember who yearn for our victory. This is our day to show what we can do–what life and sacrifice we can daily, hourly, instantly make for God. If we give our all, we will get His all from the greatest of all.” — Ezra Taft Benson

My Philosophy:
When I need to regenerate my batteries, lift my mood or need help in finding a better attitude, I usually listen to music.Isn’t there a saying that “music soothes the soul or is it music soothes the wild beast”? Whatever, I think you may get my drift, especially if you enjoy the beauty of sound.Now it does help enormously that I happen to be an auditory individual who very rarely enjoys stillness or absolute quiet “for me music definitely soothes my soul!

”There are many, marvelous forms that music takes, and the trick is to find the sounds that soothe or motivate you personally. I would suggest you get “your soul music” and play it in the car, in the house (we have CD players all over the place!) – just play it and really listen to the words or the sounds, thereby letting it take over your whole being.

You really need to HEAR the sounds to let the healing take over.I often marvel at the absolute brilliance and talent composers, singers, and musicians bring to this world, a great gift that truly is there for all to enjoy and benefit from.Believe me, finding your very own soul music will do wonders for your image “happy hunting!”

My Strange Humor:
Q: How many believable, competent, “just-right-for-the-job” presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It’s going to be a dark 4 years, isn’t it?

Scientists have discovered a food that suppresses sexual desire. It’s called “Wedding Cake.”

There are more important things in life than money – but they won’t go out with you if you’re broke.

Trivia Answer:

The darkest day in life is the one in which we expect something for nothing. — Allen Shawn

Have a great week and enjoy every breath you take.

Gil Howe

UpLifts – Old Isn’t All So Bad – Thinking Quick

‘Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed Well, you don’t have to worry about them
now because I’ve just shot them.’ Then he hung up.


(not that any of you are old )

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his
wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she
could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go
turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked ‘Is someone in your house?’ and he said
‘no’. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply
lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said, ‘Okay,’ hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

‘Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed Well, you don’t have to worry about them
now because I’ve just shot them.’ Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an
ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: ‘I thought you said that you’d shot them!’
George said, ‘I thought you said there was nobody available!’

I LOVE IT – Don’t mess with old people!!

David and Goliath

There is a popular story in the Old Testament, the story of David and Goliath. David, whose name means ‘beloved’ or ‘my beloved,’ enters the story as a rosy-cheeked teenager, the youngest of the eight sons of Jesse.

David and Goliath

There is a popular story in the Old Testament, the story of David and Goliath. David, whose name means ‘beloved’ or ‘my beloved,’ enters the story as a rosy-cheeked teenager, the youngest of the eight sons of Jesse. When Samuel came among Jesse’s sons searching for Israel’s new king, no one took David seriously enough to even send for him at first. And even after he was anointed, the incident seems to have been discounted by David’s family: ‘David, a king? — ah!’Later, when Israel went to war with the Philistines, it was David who was left behind to tend the sheep.One day Jesse sent David with food and supplies to the battlefront in the valley of Elah some ten miles away, to find out also how his sons were doing.

David left the sheep in the hands of a keeper, and made the journey. He arrived among the men just as Goliath, the champion of the Philistines, walked out into the valley between the two contending armies. For forty days the two armies had been at a standoff, and everyday, twice a day, Goliath would come out and taunt and insult the armies of Saul, calling for them to send out a man to fight. I guess rather than the two armies to fight, it was a custom of the time for the champion of each army to fight, and let the victor of their fight be the victor of the cause. But no one dared challenge Goliath, and who can blame them? According to our present text, Goliath stood over 9 ½ feet tall. His armor weighed in around 150 pounds. The staff of his spear was like a weaver’s beam, while the head of it weighed somewhere between 12 and 26 pounds.

He was a part of the feared race of the Anakim and a warrior trained from his childhood.Well, David heard the blasphemy of the giant and was incensed, especially when the armies of Israel around him cowered in fear.”… who is this uncircumcised Philistine,” he said, “that he defy the armies of the living God?”(1 Samuel 17:26)When David’s brothers heard him, they were angry and scolded him for pride, naughtiness and neglect of his duty at home. David’s words reached the king, and David was brought before Saul.”Let no man’s heart fail because of him;” David said, “thy servant will go and fight with this Philistine.””… Thou are not able to go against this Philistine … ,” Saul said, “for thou art but a youth …”(1 Samuel 17:33)David pleaded for the chance to fight.

Finally — finally the king said, “… Go, and the Lord be with thee.” (1 Samuel 17:37)When David entered the field, Goliath was insulted that they would send a mere boy. Her cursed David by his gods, and threatened to feed his flesh to the birds.David’s response to the giant allows us a glimpse into his great heart, wherein was the source of his power. He said, “… Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts … This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand; …”(1 Samuel 17:45-46) Enraged, the giant charged, David rushed to meet him, drawing from his shepherd’s purse as he went a smooth stone, which he slung with a practiced aim. When he released that stone, it flew true and buried itself in the forehead of the giant, dropping him to the ground. David ran, pounced on him, drew out the massive sword, and with it slew the arrogant Philistine.

The horrified Philistine army scattered with Israel in hot pursuit. It was not just a victory; it was a rout.I love this story. It proves to me that if the cause is just, and there is faith in the God of Israel, what does it matter who scorns you or insults you? Now, why do I tell this story? Well, there are a lot of beloved ruddy-cheeked youth to them I say, ‘Welcome to the field, David. Goliath is waiting.’ Adapted from 1 Samuel 16-17
Glenn Rawson — June 1998