God Bless The Parents Who Drugged Us

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today’s children had this kind of drug problem,

GOD BLESS THE PARENTS WHO DRUGGED US

The other day, someone at a store in our town read that a Methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question.

‘Why didn’t we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?’

I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.

I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn’t put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity.

I was drug out to pull weeds in mom’s garden and flowerbeds and cocklebur’s out of dad’s fields.

I was drug to the homes of family, friends and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today’s children had this kind of drug problem, America would be a better place.

God bless the parents who drugged us.

Things Just Happen, Even to Good People!!

“If God really loved us, how could He let this happen?”

In my occupation I often hear questions like these: “Why do bad things have to happen to good people?” “Why is life so unfair?” And the hardest of all these questions: “If God really loved us, how could He let this happen?”

Well, I don’t know all the answers, but maybe this story will lend some comfort.

Late one evening, years ago, my youngest daughter was toddling around in the kitchen. She was at that awkward stage where she was walking, but not all too steadily. I was upstairs getting ready for bed and my wife was somewhere in the house. All the children were in bed, except for Shaina.

Suddenly I heard a thump, and a terrible cry. I ran downstairs and found Shaina lying on the kitchen floor screaming. Evidently she had crawled up on a counter chair and fallen off face first onto the floor. When I scooped her up, her face was covered with blood. I ran for the bathroom, and in moments realized we were going to have to take her to the hospital.

Well, when we got there, the doctor examined the wound and told us that if it wasn’t stitched back together, it would leave a horrible ugly scar. I remember that we put our tiny daughter on the table, but when the doctor began to operate on her, her whimpering cries turned into panicked screams once more. We had no choice. We had to strap her to the table and place her head in restraints. Still, that was not enough. She screamed and thrashed wildly. Finally the doctor looked at me, and told me that I was going to have to sit down and hold her head still.

I remember I sat down near her head, and put a hand on each side of her head, and forcefully held it still while the doctor gently and expertly stitched her lip back together. I will never forget her screams and her cries, but most of all, I will never forget those accusing eyes that stared up at me and seemed to say, “Daddy, how could you do this to me? Let me go!” It tore my heart to do that to her, but I did not let her go.

The doctor finished, and the wound healed with only a minor scar.

Shaina has been terrified of doctors and hospitals ever since. I’m not sure she’s even forgiven me for that night. From her perspective, all she could see was her father inflicting horrible pain and torment on her. But from my perspective, the pain was only a temporary thing, and very much worth the end result. Shaina may not see it now, but later when she matures and her perspective is changed, she’ll see it then. I daresay, given the same circumstances, she would even do the same for her children.

Once when the Lord’s people were suffering greatly from the trials and inequities of life, He said to them, “Be still and know that I am God.” And again, remember when the children of Israel were trapped against the sea, and it looked as though God had led them into the wilderness to die, Moses stood before them and declared, “Fear ye not, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.” (Exodus 14:12)

Remember what the Lord said through Isaiah, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” (Isaiah 55:8)

My friends, especially those of you who are suffering, in spite of how much it may hurt now and make absolutely no sense, I promise you there will come a day if we are faithful when we will see, understand, and – agree.

May you be blessed and and have the Lord with you. Peace, be still.

Thanks to Glenn for sharing this personal story of his daughter.

Court Sets Atheists Holiday

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, ‘Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case?

COURT SETS ATHEISTS HOLIDAY

Have you heard about this case? Great answer from the judge!

In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Christmas and Hanukkah holidays.
He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The case was brought before a judge. after listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, ‘Case dismissed!’

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, ‘Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case?

The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah…yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!’

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, ‘Obviously your client is too confused to even know about, much less celebrate his own atheists’ holiday!’

The lawyer pompously said, ‘Your Honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists.
Just when might that holiday be, your Honor?’

The judge said, ‘Well it comes every year on exactly the same date — April 1st!
Since our calendar sets April 1st as ‘April Fools Day,’ consider that Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, in my opinion, if your client says there is no God, then by scripture, he is A fool, and April 1st is his holiday!

Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!!

Way to go, Judge!
AMEN

The Spoiled Under-30 Crowd!!!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what, with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that.. I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a darn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter…with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the darn ‘DJ’ usually would talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn’t have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it! And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Play-station video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘asteroids’ and the graphics stunk! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn’t see, you were just out-of-luck!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on-screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! When it came to channel surfing – no such thing! You had to get off your fat butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning if your mom didn’t make you do chores all day. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove … imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled!!!!!!!!!

You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980! Oh yea, and a seatbelt was Mom throwing her arm across your chest every time she hit the brakes.

Regards, The over 30 Crowd

Confession Is Good For The Soul

The old priest says, “Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like ‘yes, I see,’ and ‘yes, go on,’ and ‘I understand.'”

The new priest, born and raised in Texas , is nervous about hearing confessions,
so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step
out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest says, “Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like ‘yes, I see,’ and ‘yes, go on,’ and ‘I understand.'”

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says ,
“Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying, “No sh__… what happened next!!”

Things That Make You Go HMMMMMM

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table … everywhere!

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of
a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table … everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be … quiet, serene and no one demanding their
rights to a free meal.

Now let’s see ….

Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals (that is political incorrect to say, I know) came by the tens of thousands.
Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments that are housing five families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child’s 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to ‘press one’ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘Old Glory’ are ! squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just in my humble opinion, but maybe it’s time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

“Success is not forever and failure isn’t fatal.”

Get clear in your mind what you expect from success:

“Success is not forever and failure isn’t fatal.” — Don Shula

“The biggest chance you can take is not taking a chance at all.” –Glen Sather

“A strong reputation leads to authority and influence. Authority and influence are the foundation of power.” –Brian Koslow

“Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold.” –Maurice Setter

Get clear in your mind what you expect from success:

“Now that I’m here, where am I?” –Janis Joplin

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.” –George Bernard Shaw

“The problems of victory are more agreeable than those of defeat, but they are no less difficult.” –Sir Winston Churchill

Knowledge is Power

Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success, when you do a thing, do it well with all your might… be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful and you will accomplish your objective.

Knowledge is Power or What a difference a Year Makes

Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain.

I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted.

To her delight, we rode it twice.

The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain.

As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride’s speed.

“Dad,” she said, “I don’t think I want to go.”

I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time.

She replied, “This year, I can read.”
________________

Hard to fault a guy like Andrew Carnegie for his ability to separate the wheat from the chaff (or the steel from the slag, if you will). So keep your eyes–and mind–open and you can better evaluate, motivate, and compensate your team.
Here are some tips for managers who want to transform their crew into a high-quality powerhouse:

*Identify what it takes to produce a quality product.
*Develop a step-by-step formula for achieving that level of performance.
*Give your team feedback on how the “quality first” campaign is progressing.
*As your team attains goals–eliminates defects and increases quality–by all means reward them with public recognition, bonuses, time off, or some other incentive.
_________
Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success, when you do a thing, do it well with all your might… be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful and you will accomplish your objective.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Whether you are for military action or against it, our young men and women overseas are fighting for us to defend your right to speak out. We all need to support them without reservation.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. Plus keep the warming to a minimal.

COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX : We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

RALPH NADER: The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA HOWE: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
———————

Dennis Miller simplifies things a bit on the war issue…..

All the rhetoric on whether or not we should be at war against Iraq has got my insane little brain spinning like a roulette wheel. I enjoy reading opinions from both sides but I have detected a hint of confusion from some of you. As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice someone ever gave me. He told me about the KISS method (“keep it simple, stupid!) So, with this as a theme, I’d like to apply this theory for those who don’t quite get it. My hope is that we can simplify things a bit and recognize a few important facts. Here are 10 things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important issue:

1) Between President Bush and The Terrorist … The Terrorist are the bad guys.

2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right thing keep this in mind, they have Libya heading the committee on human rights and Iraq heading the global disarmament committee. They also allowed the Russian made weapons of war to be shipped to Iraqi soldiers in the Humanitarian shipments. Do you need me to explain any of this.

3) If you use Google search and type in “French military victories,” your reply will be “did you mean French military defeats?”

4) If your only anti-war slogan is “no war for oil,” sue your school district for allowing you to slip through the cracks and robbing you of the education you deserve. We have oil in Alaska enough for a 100 years – guess who won’t let us get it – Hillary and Obama and those leftest.

5) Bin Laden will not seek the United Nations approval before they try to kill us.

6) Despite common belief, Martin Sheen is not the president. He only played one so-so on TV.

7) Even if you are anti-war, you are still an “infidel!” and Bin Laden wants you dead, too.

8 ) If you believe in a “vast right-wing conspiracy” but not in the danger that Terrorist pose, quit hanging out with the global warming dudes.

9) We are trying to liberate them.

10) Whether you are for military action or against it, our young men and women overseas are fighting for us to defend your right to speak out. We all need to support them without reservation.
———————–

This Years Thinnest Books

21. HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda
20. MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Hillary Clinton
19. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE by John Denver
18. MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Dan Marino
17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
16. MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden
15. THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates
14. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
13. MY WILD & CRAZY YEARS by Al Gore
12. AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
11. AMERICA’S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
10. DETROIT a Travel Guide
9. A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian
8. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
7. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
6. ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes
5. MIKE TYSON’S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES by the EPA
3. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
2 . MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson
And the World’s Number One Thinnest Book ….
1. MY BOOK OF MORALS – by Bill Clinton/with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
Well smile and get on with your life.

UpLifts – The Weight Set

I don’t know how many times in my life I have overestimated my abilities, underestimated life, and wound up spiritually and emotionally pinned, out of breath, with the world on my chest.

A story from Glenn Rawson. One evening I was in the kitchen preparing dinner.

My son Jed approached me and started to say something. Then he stopped, grinned at me and said, “Nah, never mind.” And he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there wondering.

Well, a short time later, I heard this plaintive cry coming from the direction of the basement, “Dad!”

It was Jed. It didn’t sound too desperate, I was busy, so I ignored it.

A few seconds later it came again, “Dad!”

“What?” I hollered back.

There was no answer, so I went back to work.

A few seconds later, “Dad!”

There was a little more urgency in his voice now.

“What do you want?” I said.

There was no response. Then, a second or two later, it came again, “Dad!”

Now he was sounding desperate. This made no sense. So I went downstairs finally to see what was going on, and when I got to the bottom of the stairs, there was my son lying on his weight bench with a weighted barbell across his chest. His face was turning red. It didn’t take me long to figure out what had happened.

A few days before, he had approached me wanting to “max out on weight,” as he called it, which meant that he wanted to lift more than he’d ever done before. Now, I warned him not to do this.

So now here he was, pinned flat on his back, his face beat red, and unable to move. Sure enough, he had loaded up the bar, laid down on the bench and lifted it off, and down it had come, flat onto his chest! He was unable, try as he might, to get it back up.

Well, I could see that he was in no immediate danger. I started laughing.

“I ought to just leave you here,” I said.

“No!” he cried in desperation.

Now, since I had a captive audience, a figured that a teaching moment was in order. I asked him if he’d learned anything.

Emphatically he shook his head, ‘yes – ah, yes!’

Well, I took pity on him, and I lifted the weights off.

But you know, the more I thought about that, there is something about that experience that seems hauntingly familiar. I don’t know how many times in my life I have overestimated my abilities, underestimated life, and wound up spiritually and emotionally pinned, out of breath, with the world on my chest.

I am so grateful that I am God’s son. He lets me try, and has always come to my rescue when it was too much for me. And you know, I don’t ever remember Him laughing at me or threatening me as He set me free, but set me free He has always done.

Thanks to Glenn Rawson for his great insights to life – From his thoughts on November 1998.