Whether you are for military action or against it, our young men and women overseas are fighting for us to defend your right to speak out. We all need to support them without reservation.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. Plus keep the warming to a minimal.
COLIN POWELL: Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
HANS BLIX : We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
RALPH NADER: The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA HOWE: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
Dennis Miller simplifies things a bit on the war issue…..
All the rhetoric on whether or not we should be at war against Iraq has got my insane little brain spinning like a roulette wheel. I enjoy reading opinions from both sides but I have detected a hint of confusion from some of you. As I was reading the paper recently, I was reminded of the best advice someone ever gave me. He told me about the KISS method (“keep it simple, stupid!) So, with this as a theme, I’d like to apply this theory for those who don’t quite get it. My hope is that we can simplify things a bit and recognize a few important facts. Here are 10 things to consider when voicing an opinion on this important issue:
1) Between President Bush and The Terrorist … The Terrorist are the bad guys.
2) If you have faith in the United Nations to do the right thing keep this in mind, they have Libya heading the committee on human rights and Iraq heading the global disarmament committee. They also allowed the Russian made weapons of war to be shipped to Iraqi soldiers in the Humanitarian shipments. Do you need me to explain any of this.
3) If you use Google search and type in “French military victories,” your reply will be “did you mean French military defeats?”
4) If your only anti-war slogan is “no war for oil,” sue your school district for allowing you to slip through the cracks and robbing you of the education you deserve. We have oil in Alaska enough for a 100 years â€“ guess who wonâ€™t let us get it â€“ Hillary and Obama and those leftest.
5) Bin Laden will not seek the United Nations approval before they try to kill us.
6) Despite common belief, Martin Sheen is not the president. He only played one so-so on TV.
7) Even if you are anti-war, you are still an “infidel!” and Bin Laden wants you dead, too.
8 ) If you believe in a “vast right-wing conspiracy” but not in the danger that Terrorist pose, quit hanging out with the global warming dudes.
9) We are trying to liberate them.
10) Whether you are for military action or against it, our young men and women overseas are fighting for us to defend your right to speak out. We all need to support them without reservation.
This Years Thinnest Books
21. HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda
20. MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Hillary Clinton
19. HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE by John Denver
18. MY SUPER BOWL HIGHLIGHTS by Dan Marino
17. THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton
16. MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden
15. THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates
14. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
13. MY WILD & CRAZY YEARS by Al Gore
12. AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
11. AMERICA’S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
10. DETROIT a Travel Guide
9. A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian
8. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN
7. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN
6. ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen de Generes
5. MIKE TYSON’S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES by the EPA
3. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
2 . MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O. J. Simpson
And the World’s Number One Thinnest Book ….
1. MY BOOK OF MORALS – by Bill Clinton/with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
Well smile and get on with your life.